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Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved many, largely enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners once more.

Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, yet from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I feel a bit lost.

Each individual's intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.